Friday, July 6, 2012

The Four Kinds Of Englishmen

My friend and I have decided to divide the English gents into four easy to reference groups:

The Mr Darcy - The Englishman that we know from movies and television. Smooth voice, charming, mysterious and probably doesn’t exist in real life, and even if he does, chances of you meeting him are pretty much nil. Thinking about renaming this ‘Hiddles’.

The Backpacker - This is the most common Englishman you’ll meet. Easy going, wicked sense of humour, can put their foot in it every now and then, but you love them without pause. Can be found anywhere there’s good food.

The Empire Builder - The not-so-nice Englishman, who still acts as though the sun hasn’t set on the Empire. Can be rude and a pain in the arse. Will use the term ‘colony’ and forget about the indigenous population. Luckily, these are not great in number.

The Convicts-That-Ate-Each-Other - Some of the English convicts that were sent to Australia did revert to cannibalism a bit too quickly. This type of Englishman is even more rare than The Mr Darcy, but he’s out there, and scary as hell.

I hope this helps, amuses and pisses you off.